Tuesday, 16 February 2010

The Battle For Zorgon

I just had to post this. I found this on the desktop of my Imac, a piece my 10-year old son Dani had been working on all weekend. He never used to be so interested and engrossed in writing before this, but of late, I noticed he was starting to enjoy exploring the use of interesting adjectives in his English work; I'm hoping it might have to do with a new Creative English class I have started him at about a month ago. He's been so involved in his story that he can't wait to come home each day to continue working on it, which is so unlike him - Dani usually needs constant nudging and reminders to get on with homework.

Who knows, somewhere inside him, there might be the trappings of a film-maker or scriptwriter, who knows. And the Malay proverb of gravy spilling on rice will prove true again.

Anyway, here's Dani's story on The Battle For Zorgon, enjoy...

The Battle For Zorgon

“We’ve made it boys.” Captain Sam pronounced with joy and delight as his massive dart shaped space ship with 3 laser turrets and a cockpit, landed on their blue healthy planet with heaps of fresh air looking much like earth, that planet was called Galactor. The space ship was returning from a mission to assassinate their arch enemy called Loki in his red hot scorching planet with no fresh air whatsoever, for his planet is filled with ash and factories that send out nasty smelling fumes. That dark stinky planet was called Zorgon, Loki’s home planet.

When the space ship arrived, they stepped out to announce their mission success and smell the fresh air of their beautiful planet Galactor. When the crew stepped out, a Galactorian soldier carelessly mistook the ship for a spy plane and shot the poor innocent red haired engineer called Mojo. Blood splattered flying everywhere and poor Mojo flew at 80 mph back and dislocated his ribcage. The General of the Army gave them orders to aim their ray and beam blasters to the ground for he recognized the captain of the ship Sam and gave clearance for the crew members to step out of the aircraft and show their face. ‘We have won the war and succesfully completed the mission by assassinating Loki.” The crowd cheered for them in the happiest way as possible.

“Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!” Cried Mojo as he was taken to the planets hospital as quick as possible. A few hours after that he woke up and had not even a scratch on his skinny, boney, fleshless body for the technology they used could fix any injury other than death, for the nurse explained.
“It can bring life but I suggest not to for there’s no point of living when you don’t feel alive.”

His captain Sam came to visit him.
“Are you feeling better Mojo?” He asked Mojo curiously.
“Not a single bruise on me sir” Mojo replied happily. He then explained that the man they killed was a fake in disguise to look like Loki.
“I know that you’re upset about the confusion but that’s the truth and the truth never lies, so if you like it or not you’re getting on that ship NOW!!!” The captain shouted with a completely different tone of voice.

The ship was setting off now. They all got their tools and weapons ready, the engineer took his tool box, the doctor brought his medical kit, the soldiers getting their positions on the look out, and finally the pilot turning his thrusters on to launch off.
“Good luck out there boys” the captain screamed and shouted with all the breath in his lungs attempting to get over the sound of the ship take off the planet.

“GO GO GO!!!” The captain shouted as only 8 special force troopers leap off the aircraft with their camouflage parachutes, gas masks and armor ready to take down anything in their way.
“Over there!” Shouts a trooper as he spots an armed enemy base. Silently and swiftly the troops managed to pursue the base and in less than 3 seconds the base was annihilated completely before you could set even a tiny glimpse on them.

While the troopers stalled others, the ship kept searching for Loki on his massive planet Zorgon.
“Sir I think we’ve found him.” The ships tracker told him.
“Where is he?” The Captain asked him hoping for an easy simple location as an answer.
“On the most terrible place on his planet, Penetrate Paradise City.” The locator told him as the captain took a deep sigh of depression as he got the opposite of what he wanted. They took out their special planet hopping G.P.S. tracking device to help them with their search for Loki.

They flew past the worst and most dangerous place on Zorgon and spotted slaves being tortured and forced to do work for the Zorganian people, “shouldn’t we help them sir?” Asked the kind-hearted engineer. “If we make it out of here then I promise we will, is that ok?” Answered Sam. “yes that would mean a lot to me sir, thank you.” He replied.
“There he is!” a soldier tells the pilot excitedly as he spots Loki in his training area expecting them just waiting for their 1st attempt.

Crash, clash and boom was the noise of the soldiers kicking open the metal protective door as it opens bit by bit. They went through the door and surrounded Loki.
“You do know that there was an open button for the door right?” he asked the soldiers as they get furious at each other. When Loki stood up, Mojo and him looked at each other curiously just like he did when they assassinated the fake Loki almost like they knew each other long long ago.

He remembered all of a sudden they were playing one day and they were calling each other something he thought was an imagination. He called him brother…
“Remember when we swore that we would the best brothers in the world, well that all changed completely when mom deserted us, you stayed with dad ever since however I on the other hand didn’t, I ran away and lived with a man in the army who adopted me. Ever since he adopted me he taught me how to handle a weapon properly and professionally.”

“Well I guess that there’s only one thing to do, I challenge you to a battle brother!!!” Loki exclaimed as the two brothers chose their weapon.
“Let the battle begin brother.” Loki says to Mojo as he draws his laser saber.
“You asked for it so now your gonna deliver it to you bro.” Mojo replies with fury racing through his mind as he aims his mantle ray rifle directly at his head.

“3…………….2……………….1……………. LET THE BATTLE BEGIN!!!!!!” Shouts one of Lokis workers in order to start the fight. The battle was epic and one of the greatest batle known to man kind. When Mojo shot at Loki he just defended himself every time he was shot. Then what Loki was surprised at, Mojo the man with no experience what so ever shot him on his collarbone. “You’ve gotten much better at fighting brother. But I’ll be sure to send your ashes back to Galactor.” Loki explained to Mojo as he held his injured collarbone and cut the room free off the planet into space about to crash into Galactor. Mojo couldn’t do any thing to stop it.
“Warning… warning... room will have impact with Galactor in: 10………9…….8…………..7…………..6…………….5…………………4………………..3…………………2……………1………”

The room had been destroyed along with the corpses of the two brothers Mojo and Loki. By Dani Effendi.

(for some reason I couldn't extract the visuals, sorry)

Dart shaped spaceship.


Images taken from:

www.martysartandmodels.com/ images/star_dart22.jpg

and from:

centroufologicotaranto.files.wordpress.com/ 20...

True fact!
Did you know that that red planet is actually called Epsilon Eridani? Well incase you diddn’t, it’s true. Cool right?

Thank you for listening.

I'm adding on something exciting to this piece - a "cover" design, by another talented boy we know named Nicolas Ayoub Jr, inspired by Dani's story!



Aelfi said...

awesome. :D

ms hart said...

Aaahhh..I love this, Tiara! Dani's piece is clever, creative and most of all, carries the pureness of a child's thoughts! Love that innocence! My ten-yr-old princess writes ghost stories now !!! Funny how the stories come in series some more!! And let me tell ya, all sorts of 'spooky' names came out!! haha;-)

Anonymous said...

woo.. he have a great imagination~ =)

RainbowPixie said...

Your son's story is really impressive. It brings joy to me knowing a 10 year old boy can write something as good as this.

It really is amazing that he's able to come up with those names as well. Has he read any Norse mythology before or anything Loki related?

I think we've got a budding Malaysian Sci-fi writer here! :)

RainbowPixie said...

Your son's story is really impressive. It brings joy to me knowing a 10 year old boy can write something as good as this.

It really is amazing that he's able to come up with those names as well. Has he read any Norse mythology before or anything Loki related?

I think we've got a budding Malaysian Sci-fi writer here! :)